Becky feels angst about Leigh's book

I had a karmic bite in the keister this weekend. Many kind and creative and inspiring folks have come to me with their sketchbook worries. Should I finish this piece? Is this good enough? Is it okay that I did this hastily? And while I DO care and AM sympathetic, I also have been flippantly saying, "What does it matter? Post anything! Make anything! No one cares! Live it up! This is not worth worrying about!" Sixty-seven miserable hours later, I post my fourth creation for Leigh's book. Leigh's theme of, "Choose your attitude: positivity" caused me to create things that looked like Barbie had a party and puked all over the place. Bubblegum pink and smiley shiny sunshine:

A reject

That's not me. So I'd sketch again, and soon I found myself muttering the phrase that lets me know I've crossed into a bad place. I'll keep the blog PG, but it's a phrase my dad often used while working in his wood shop (usually post hammer-to-thumb). It's part of my DNA, and man...I said it a lot while working on this page on positivity. (I think my dad would find that absolutely fantastic) I come from a line of cave dwellers. We are retreaters. We are people that hide and hermit and fester. We have to force ourselves to people and to the Light. And as I worked with Leigh's theme, I realized that in order to cope with my nature towards the glum and isolated (and the swearing), I have attempted an attitude and loosely followed a code of conduct. I tried my best to document that (often violated) code...albeit with a *&%#@$*^% pen and ^%@&&#** results. And now that I read it, I'm crafting addendums...there's nothing about service, or selflessness, or kindness, or...etc. etc. etc. Sigh. It's hard to be a *&%$#%**@# work-in-progress.